YTSEJAM digest 2154

From: ytsejam@ax.com
Date: Fri Jan 03 1997 - 08:30:58 EST

  • Next message: ytsejam@ax.com: "YTSEJAM digest 2153"

                                YTSEJAM Digest 2154

    Today's Topics:

      1) *someone please tell me of a good prog. group!!*
     by yanos <yanos@netwizards.net>
      2) Happy New Year
     by Brian <DreamNDay@dreamt.org>
      3) a quick clarification
     by "Andrew Miller" <subtlerage@avalon.net>
      4) re; recent vai bus fire
     by WildKoba@aol.com
      5) erik stearns
     by WildKoba@aol.com
      6) remove
     by DLeon01@aol.com
      7) Re: assorted shit, and its' respective heads.
     by Taco Belhai <belhai1@gl.umbc.edu>
      8) Re: 800 numbers and suicide
     by Mark Smeets <msmeets@ibm.net>
      9) Re: Good Prog.
     by "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
     10) Re: what the fuck?!?!?
     by "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
     11) Re: Queensryche News
     by "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
     12) Re: YTSEJAM digest 2150
     by Chris Ptacek <someone@enteract.com>
     13) Boot Question
     by "Jonathan Dery" <metropolis@net1plus.com>
     14) Ministry,prog
     by satu.reunanen@sci.fi (Satu Reunanen)
     15) Re: Suicidal Buttmonkeys (not implying that Mr. Stearns is a
     by drkhoe@gmsnet.com (Dr. Mosh)
     16) Re: FW: Marillion SUCKS!
     by drkhoe@gmsnet.com (Dr. Mosh)
     17) Total waste of bandwidth...
     by "Ollila Marko" <marko.ollila@metsaserla.fi>

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 02 Jan 1997 18:41:32 -0800
    From: yanos <yanos@netwizards.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: *someone please tell me of a good prog. group!!*
    Message-ID: <32CC71DC.7F58@netwizards.net>

    If you are looking for a great prog group, try Conception, from Norway.
    Im sure it has been brought up before but they have 3 shreddin' albums
    and have yet to disappoint me! If you need copies on tape, let me know,
    and well work it out.

    cheers-

    Yanos

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 02 Jan 1997 22:10:34 -0800
    From: Brian <DreamNDay@dreamt.org>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Happy New Year
    Message-ID: <32CCA2DA.7BBB@dreamt.org>

    Well, I know I haven't posted in a while, but I just want to say happy
    new year to all the jammers. It's been an odd one for me. I tried to
    move out to Valley Stream with my grandfolks, came back home to my
    parents, was majorly depressed most of the year, did some things I'm not
    going to talk about to all of you publicly (Ask me on IRC, whenever I'm
    actually on that is! ;), I've loved, I've lost, made some good friends,
    lost some old friends, became a full fledged freak, saw 2 Lollapaloozas,
    Life Of Agony, Dave Matthews, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Rush, and DREAM
    THEATER!! WOOHOO! FINALLY!! As the year went out I was a little down. My
    friends were breaking further into groups and I was losing touch with
    some. But a simple call at midnight has redeemed me, I'm partying with
    the guys this weekend, and as of today, I am once again no longer
    single! I have gotten really close to a female friend of mine over the
    last few months (not the one I told all you IRCers about!), and today we
    became an item. Damn, I really think I'm falling all over again :P!
    So anyway, lets all have a great new year, and let's wish for the best,
    and once again, thanks to all the friends I've made through the jam
    (Ryan, Ryanne, Rip, Itchy, U-Daz, Arne, Mike, anyone else I forgot,
    sorry! Gotta get back to homework!) HAPPY 1997! Let's have a rockin new
    year with the new DT and Megadeth!
    ========================================================================
    "Are you gonna bark all day, little -----
            doggie, or are you gonna ---- ------------- ----
            bite?"-Micheal Madsen, ---- - ----
            Reservoir Dogs -- - - - - - - - --
    "Just victims of the in-house - - - - - - -
            drive-by. They say jump, - - -- - -- - -
            you say 'How high?"-Rage -- - - - - - - - --
            Against The Machine ---- - - - ----
    later--------------Brian ---- ------------- ----
                                                        -----
    ========================================================================

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 21:41:52 +0000
    From: "Andrew Miller" <subtlerage@avalon.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: a quick clarification
    Message-ID: <199701030341.DAA06268@avalon.net>

    i want to clear something up about my reference to the warning signs
    of suicide. i was in absolutely no way making any attempt to pass
    guilt on to the friends and family of the deceased. if you took it
    that way, i'm sorry. my point is that there needs to be education
    and more public awareness about them so that suicide deaths can be
    avoided. in alot of cases, people don't know about the signs until
    they're faced with suicide, and often times it may be too late.

    -Andrew

             Andrew Miller - keyboardist/vocalist - subtlerage
         http://www.avalon.net/~subtlerage - subtlerage@avalon.net

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 00:12:03 -0500
    From: WildKoba@aol.com
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: re; recent vai bus fire
    Message-ID: <970103001202_1223648673@emout04.mail.aol.com>

    i got a post from rich pike, the guy who runs his fan club, and he told me
    personally that everyone was ok. none of his guitars were destroyed, and the
    orchestral scores he was working on were SAVED! the instruments traveled in a
    separate bus with other equipment and weren't even touched. he did lose some
    cool clothing, like the jacket on the back of "alien love secrets" (i
    wouldn't know- never saw it), and they lost some regular clothing. but things
    are cool, otherwise. whhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeew!

    ****************************************************************
    david kobayashi
    wildkoba@aol.com
    bd91014@binghamton.edu

    "energy, intensity, eclecticism" - robert fripp

    "the present-day composer refuses to die." -e. varese
    ****************************************************************

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 00:12:00 -0500
    From: WildKoba@aol.com
    To: ytsejam@ax.com, stearns@bga.com
    Subject: erik stearns
    Message-ID: <970103001158_877093346@emout01.mail.aol.com>

    mr. stearns:

    i am glad you somehow obtained the insight to change your mind about doing
    what you considered, before you, as you put it, "dropped the bomb."i
    sincerely hope you get the proper help from the proper people, and get your
    ass out back where it belongs- with the rest of our asses, in the rat race. i
    know life ain't always so grand, and all the shit can just fall on your head
    at times, but you know? every time i've felt like maybe i didn't "belong", so
    to speak (and at one point, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD has felt this way), i
    checked my head, and thought about the benefits of suicide. certainly, it
    would get us out of shitty things, shitty situations, away from shitty
    people, but it always seems that regardless of how bad it gets, as someone
    else here put it, you only go up. i really really believe that. you'd never
    know where you'd go up if you didn't find out.

    i'm not an expert on suicide matters, this is just pure sentiments, here. get
    yourself back, and the rest will be fixed.

    good. and welcome home.

    david, and perhaps a bunch of us as well

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 00:50:42 -0500
    From: DLeon01@aol.com
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: remove
    Message-ID: <970103005041_1822565079@emout04.mail.aol.com>

    remove

    <<------------------------->>
    Created using the Royston Utilities (http://www.royston.com)

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 01:46:12 -0500 (EST)
    From: Taco Belhai <belhai1@gl.umbc.edu>
    To: Multiple recipients of list <ytsejam@ax.com>
    Subject: Re: assorted shit, and its' respective heads.
    Message-ID: <Pine.SGI.3.95.970103014106.12275B-100000@umbc10.umbc.edu>

    On Thu, 2 Jan 1997, Chris Ptacek wrote:

    > > 2. Petrucci's semi-clean sound is a direct rip of Alex Lifeson's sound,
    > > circa "Hold Your Fire." He's said this in interviews.
    >
    > Wanting to get any particular sound on your guitar is influenced by sounds
    > you've heard and liked. I want a good thick distortion for my 7 string,
    > like KoRn's, but I'm not about to start writing music like KoRn. Your
    > sound comes from YOUR hands. JP is so far beyond Lifeson in all areas...
    > somehow I have to doubt he does anything to be "Like Lifeson".

    Can you elaborate on how Petrucci is "so far beyond Lifeson"? Petrucci is
    more technically proficient, but I think Lifeson knows more about playing
    simply because he's been in music a lot longer than Petrucci.

    Brandon

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 23:45:40 PST
    From: Mark Smeets <msmeets@ibm.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: 800 numbers and suicide
    Message-ID: <199701030655.GAA190748@smtp-gw01.ny.us.ibm.net>

    ** Reply to note from ytsejam@ax.com 01/02/97 6:46pm -0800

    Hey everyone,

    After staying quiet on this topic, I figured I would, for a
    change, I saw a post that I HAD to respond too. YES YES YES
    YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

    There ARE 800 numbers people CAN call for suicide prevention
    etc....In fact, I have an entire web page dedicated to those
    kinds of numbers.

    http://www.smartt.com/~jsmeets/stranger/INDEX.HTM

    I have numbers for here in Vancouver, and other places in the
    US and around the world. Of course, I'd love it if I had more
    numbers.

    In light of the recent events over the past few days, and my
    own life experiences, I decided to do something that, I've
    been wanting to do for a while now. I took all the posts that
    have been posted in regards to this subject and the events,
    and made a web page for them. If your worried about people
    finding out who you really are, don't worry, I've taken out
    your last names and just left your first names in there. The
    only other thing that is in there that could even in any way
    identify you, is the jam digest numbers, which I don't want to
    take out.

    As I was reading the emails, as I'm sure everyone was, someone
    had stated that, this shouldn't turn into a, to paraphrase
    what was said, "a stand to go off on a life is good", in other
    words, a soapbox. This web page does not contain my views,
    well, just a few views but for 90% of this page, it's all your
    email responces.

    The next step I plan to do, is to create a message board so
    that people who come across the page can read it. I have other
    plans for this page as well, I'm going to try to put it on my
    business site I'm working on. If I can pull that off, I'll let
    everyone know. I'll also let everyone know when this page is
    up. For now though, any feedback or those 800 numbers would be
    helpfull and appreciated.

    Mark
    my smartt.com account is now useless. Please email at either msmeets@ibm.net or
     
    msmeets@zeek.murlin.com --
    -Check out the new Serenity's End Chat room zeek.murlin.com oprt 8888
    -Check out my web site http://www.smartt.com/~jsmeets/stranger/INDEX.HTM
    @------>--->---
    Some people lose their faith because Heaven shows them to little. Others lose their
     
    faith because Heaven shows them too much. - The Prophecy -- I don't believe in
     
    coincidence
    @------>--->---
    I guide you through the sea of nightmares called existance and lead you to the
     
    sanctuary where a haven exists only to those who have lost hope and this is called
     
    earth but to those who have hope, stand alone outside this haven guarding it alone.
     
    -M.S.
    @------>--->---
    I stand at the promised land with Fire In my Eyes!
    W.A.S.P. - The Crimson Idol

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 18:30:03 +0000
    From: "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: Good Prog.
    Message-ID: <199701030656.XAA05781@cyberhighway.net>

    > Rush, maybe? Hey if you want good, heavy, new, fast, heavy prog, go
    > check out "Fire Garden" by Steve Vai.

    Hey, I'm listeneing to Fire Garden now! This CD rokz nadz n stuff.
    Just be patient with it. Anyway Judging by the post about Marillion
    it appears that you (juan) are kinda hesitant about listening to
    them. Anyway, I derive that you like heavier prog stuff. Dream
    Theater's about as heavy as it gets, but I think that Type O
    Negative's October Rust has proggy tendencies and it's rather heavy.
    Shadow Gallery's Carved in Stone has it's moments. Another good one
    is Altura: Mercy. I also like Extreme's III Sides. It's pretty
    funky, but it's kinda proggy, too. Savatage is heavy prog, but you'd
    probably want to get Edge of Thorns first or maybe Streets: A Rock
    Opera. Heck I listen to alot of stuff, just let me know what you're
    looking for and I'll let you know (quite objectively) what it's like.
    I won't rip on it whether I like it or not. Anyway, I'm rambling.

    KorgX3 NOT The "Other" Ibanez (anymore)
          ibanez@cyberhighway.net
    "Well, I try to write music that Indiana Jones would listen to."
                                                  --David Arkenstone

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 18:46:18 +0000
    From: "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: what the fuck?!?!?
    Message-ID: <199701030656.XAA05803@cyberhighway.net>

    > and please, let's try not to make this become a podium for suicide prevention
    > and ethics. i see some of you are already hurling the insults and all at each
    > other b/c one guy has to say something about it in a different point of view.
    > whatever.....i don't think it's up to us to decide if he's a failure, alive
    > or not. i think the important thing here is that he's ALIVE first. i'm sure
    > if you really want to discuss his merits you can discuss them at other times.

    Well, I for one am glad to hear that Erik's doing fine, now. I've
    had a couple of friends who've been on the brink a few times. One
    being a close friend who was in love with my best friend who ended up
    marrying another girl. Just remember, things can only go up from
    there. She's happily married now and is planning a great life for
    herself.

    I hate to hear that someone is planning to kill themselves for
    whatever reason. If any of you EVER feels this way, please seek
    help. I'm not the one to look for, though. I don't consider myself
    a great sounding board, but I think we all know one who lives near
    us. A priest, a friend, even your pet. Just get it off your chest
    before it smothers you, whatever you do. Things will get better
    Erik, and I'm glad to see you're OK.

    Peace.
    KorgX3 NOT The "Other" Ibanez (anymore)
          ibanez@cyberhighway.net
    "Well, I try to write music that Indiana Jones would listen to."
                                                  --David Arkenstone

    ------------------------------

    Date: Thu, 2 Jan 1997 19:03:17 +0000
    From: "KorgX3" <ibanez@mailhost.cyberhighway.net>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: Queensryche News
    Message-ID: <199701030656.XAA05825@cyberhighway.net>

    > > I think it would be cool if Dream Theater and Queensryche did a tour
    > > together in which DT played QR's setlist and vice versa, although QR
    > > would need to add a good keyboardist so Geoff could fully concentrate
    > > on his vocals.
    > > Justin the High Cleric of Lickalick
    >
    > hmm... when i saw QR on the last tour, it was Chris DeGarmo playing the
    > keys, not Geoff. this isn't a flame, i just want to know if i've gone
    > insane, and Geoff really did do teh keys on the album...

    Yeah, but if you've seen the Building Empires video, Goeff plays the
    keyboard parts at the end of The Thin Line (which are hrmm.. in a
    word, simple One chord?) But I think he can probably play a pretty
    good keyboard. Hell, the guy has talent. We saw him playing the
    saxophone live on the last tour. My friend didn't think it was
    really him, but I played sax for four years and could tell it was
    him. I really oughtta take it up again. It was kinda fun. :)

    >is a very effective review of a piece of music. I own all of the
    >Marillion albums and the guy who said Marillion "sucks" based on
    >listening to part of one album didn't even tell the members of the jam
    >what the name of the album was. Can he judge a band, wrap up all of
    >their musical career and all of their albums of which he has heard one
    >in the term "sucks." It seems a bit brief. Plus it really won't go

    I really think he has a right to think and say it sucks. Hell, if it was
    Fugazi, I'd say that it sucked, too. Never liked that one. The guy
    has a right to judge things himself without us babysitting him. Same
    with Chris and Jaime. I may not agree with them all the time, but it
    takes all kinds to make a world run, eh? Open your mind. If you
    don't like someone's opinion and feel you need to dissent their
    opinion, do so. It's what makes the jam fun, I think. I myself
    choose generally not to do so so as to spare flames from heading my
    direction as I've caught many in the past. Cheers and be yourselves.

    BTW, Ben, you still crack me up severely. :D

    Later!
    KorgX3 NOT The "Other" Ibanez (anymore)
          ibanez@cyberhighway.net
    "Well, I try to write music that Indiana Jones would listen to."
                                                  --David Arkenstone

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 03 Jan 1997 01:24:31 -0600
    From: Chris Ptacek <someone@enteract.com>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: YTSEJAM digest 2150
    Message-ID: <2.2.32.19970103072431.007253c4@enteract.com>

    >All of you are being just wonderful and nice, I'm sure, but that wasn't a
    >real suicide note. Anyone who has lived through friends committing suicide
    >should know that.

    Because all people are the same. Right.

    >This guy may need help, he mentioned medication, and
    >I'll assume that it was true, he may be ill, but he's not suicidal. That
    >was a ploy for attention, like a child throwing a tantrum.

    And you're the judgemental sleaze that doesn't look for a rationale, and
    doesn't make the appropriate attempt to be certain of all the facts
    surrounding a situation. You're just omniscient and comprehend all before
    it exists. Because no one has ever told someone that he or she was going to
    commit suicide before and actually meant it. Is human life so meaningless
    to you that you're willing to play god and put aside the CHANCE that there's
    a serious problem here? So some of us expend a little compassion and effort
    to make sure life isn't wasted... we're just gullible. Luckily there are
    people like you who KNOW things, and are sure to react as flexibly as granite.

    >For the
    >kind-hearted Christian souls out there, here's a metaphor: him trying to
    >convince us he's suicidal is the absolute equivalent of a child trying to
    >convince you that the devil himself appeared to this child and forced him
    >to steal cookies from the jar. Yeah, he's in trouble, but he's taking it
    >to extremes in order to get your attention.

    And you know this because? Don't say because you had a friend kill
    him/herself. People are all different. I'm caring enough to make sure that
    all is well, whether the situation is important or not.... you're an
    asshole.... that mere fact proves that people don't all act alike and think
    alike.

    >If he were suicidal, when the police
    >arrived he would already be dead.

    So you're not suicidal until you're dead? Maybe you DON'T understand things.

    > Go ahead, call me callous and attack me like you
    >did to another Jammer brave enough to speak the truth, but that's precisely
    >what it is: the truth.

    At least you also KNOW that you are "callous". That is the truth.
    Unfortunately you hide the majority of the truth from yourself. There's no
    way this was a trick. Even if it was a "Tantrum" that still doesn't mean we
    have to be insulting and degrading. If someone is hurt, do you go steal
    their fucking wallet and kick them in the face? Do you laugh when you see
    someone get in a car accident? What is wrong with you?

    >Here's a story about what suicide really is:

    You don't have a clue. You're part of the problem.

    >As I said before, this guy was my closest friend, and in fact the first
    >person in my life who I ever really looked up to, and I've got a right to
    >be pissed off when some idiot, no matter how serious his problems may be,
    >plays with the idea of suicide as an attention ploy.

    Again, your ignorance could eclipse the brightest of stars. Now this guy's
    an idiot, and although he has serious problems, his aren't nearly as serious
    of those of your friend who actually killed himself? You're friend had a
    girlfriend break up with him. This guy's wife left him, took all of their
    money, and their car, didn't explain herself, and now he is on the edge of
    losing everything else... the basic tools of survival. No... you're
    right... he doesn't have problems that compare with yours or your friend's.

    I can not respect someone as malignant and dim as you. I can not accept
    someone as cruel and thoughtless as you. You are the most narcissistic,
    egotistical person I've ever met in my entire life. I sincerely hope that
    the world treats you like you treat others.

    For any of you who read this and roll your eyes, I don't care. I never
    will. Sometimes things have to be said, and sometimes people just don't
    have the balls to say it.

    - Chris Ptacek
    someone@prognosis.com

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 03 Jan 1997 02:25:07 -0500
    From: "Jonathan Dery" <metropolis@net1plus.com>
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Boot Question
    Message-ID: <32CCB453.45B0@net1plus.com>

    Today I purchased "Rockin' Japan", and I was just wondering if anyone could set
    me straight. This cd is more or less identical to the PPV video, except for a few
    things:

            1: The video is dated 1-24-95, and the cd is dated 1-27-95.
            2: AMBI and Erotomonia are cut off on the cd (obviously due to time
    constraints).
            3: On the video, James says "Let me study your language first before I let you
    talk to me." after a Japanese fella yells something out after TTT. He doesn't say this
    on the cd.

            Three distinct similairities are:
            
            1: Every mistake, whether it be a voice crack or an instrumental blurp are
    identical.
            2: Every inflection and improvised lick are 100% the same on both.
            3: Happy Birthday is sung to JM on both the vid and the cd!
            
            I'm guessing that the cd is either edited or it contains pieces of two nights.

            
            Btw- Does any know when a new batch of Ytsejam shirts will be on sale (or if
    there are any on sale now)? I've never had one and I've never felt like a true Jammer
    because of it. (Plus it sucks not to be spotted at shows.)

    Thanks,
    -Jon Dery

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 10:19:19 +0200 (EET)
    From: satu.reunanen@sci.fi (Satu Reunanen)
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Ministry,prog
    Message-ID: <199701030819.KAA12974@id4.sci.fi>

    Geez, I sure am sick, confusing two bands !
    (I'm in fever here)
    I mean when I wrote Ministrys Jerry was a ..
    I meant Jesus built my hot rod. But Primus
    is also a great band to dance to.
    Btw, this morning I had a great wake up call..
    They had a 5 hour show on the radio about
    progressive music !! I only got to hear the
    last hour though, but the bands I heard
    were Spock's beard, some Italian band (great!),
    a Finn called Pekka Pohjola, Frank Zappa (do
    you concider him prog ? That song was prog)
    and Rush.
    Ever hear of a record company called Symphony ?
    They said they have only prog bands in it.
    Have to check that out. CIAO !

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 00:18:28 -0800
    From: drkhoe@gmsnet.com (Dr. Mosh)
    To: ytsejam@ax.com
    Subject: Re: Suicidal Buttmonkeys (not implying that Mr. Stearns is a
    Message-ID: <199701030818.AAA19092@ gmsnet.com>

    Death is in the brain...

    The Brain dies much sooner than the body...

    -The Doc

    Suicide by Ignorance...

    -- 
    #$%*#$*@                 E-MAIL: drkhoe@gmsnet.com                     #$%#$#$%
    *$%&%#$* 		   Global Micro Solutions                      #$#$#@@#
    *$*$*$*#      Reality Enhancement Software - Engineering Reality       *$&#*#@$
    #$@#$#@#               http://www.gmsnet.com/progmetal                 @#$@##@$
    

    ------------------------------

    Date: Fri, 3 Jan 1997 00:22:35 -0800 From: drkhoe@gmsnet.com (Dr. Mosh) To: ytsejam@ax.com Subject: Re: FW: Marillion SUCKS! Message-ID: <199701030822.AAA19119@ gmsnet.com>

    Give it time... like any progressive band... you gotta LISTEN before you pass judgement...

    -The Doc

    -- #$%*#$*@ E-MAIL: drkhoe@gmsnet.com #$%#$#$% *$%&%#$* Global Micro Solutions #$#$#@@# *$*$*$*# Reality Enhancement Software - Engineering Reality *$&#*#@$ #$@#$#@# http://www.gmsnet.com/progmetal @#$@##@$

    ------------------------------

    Date: 3 Jan 97 15:24:35 +0200 From: "Ollila Marko" <marko.ollila@metsaserla.fi> To: ytsejam@ax.com Subject: Total waste of bandwidth... Message-ID: <9701031524.aa35@tppalv2.metsaserla.fi>

    Greetings ye 'jamanoids...

    Since the 'jam has been somewhat uptight lately I thought that a coupla jokes could bring smiles to yer faces...but this is absolutely not for the humor impaired...and besides, anything that can make someone smile isn't waste of bandwidth in my books...

    'Fcourse everyones heard about this guy who felt like he had a four-inch nail in his head. No? Okay. So, there's this guy who feels like he has a four-inch nail in his head and he can't stand his constant headaches anymore. He goes to see a doctor and the doc runs some tests and his diagnose is that the headaches have something to do with the guy's penis. The man says that it can't be possible but the doc keeps his opinion and says that the guy's dong must be removed. So the guy goes through the operation and the headaches are gone. Later, the guy goes to a tailor to have a pair of pants made fo him. The tailor takes all the measures needed and finally ask the guy about which trouser leg he usually has his weenie in. Of course the guy is somewhat embarrassed and dodges the question by asking the tailor about what difference does it make in which leg the dick is. The tailor, perplexed, replies that of course it matters because if you keep it in the wrong leg for an extensive period of time, you're gonna feel like you have a four-inch nail in your head!

    Okay. Another one.

    There was this guy who had this screw protruding from his bellybutton. He had had it since he was born so he just accepted that he has it, but still he was pretty curious about what's it there for. He always left it at that though. Then, one day, when he woke up, he noticed that he no more had the screw sticking from his navel. He, delirious from joy for being normal at last, jumped out of the bed and danced around the bedroom floor. His ass fell off.

    So there. Are we any less grim now? Sorry, girls. :)

    Your very own stand-up comedian,

    _Mape_

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    End of YTSEJAM Digest 2154 **************************



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